If you've ever wondered how many members of the British Superbike paddock you can get in plastic fish, the above and below pictures are the answer. Leon Camier, Steve Brogan and Camier's right-hand man Andy Walker all piled into this Flounder-shaped children's ride at a Snetterton supermarket on Thursday night.

HM Plant Honda's Josh Brookes was so fed up of Camier taking the piss out of his, erm, not very exciting leathers, he asked team boss Harv Beltran if he could 'you know, bling them up a bit?' and did so with some shiny stuff under the arms and down the sides.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ian Lowry got entirely confused as he went out in the first practice session as he thought he may have got on the wrong motorbike. After doing a couple of laps, he came in to find that the bike's settings hadn't been changed since Bruce Anstey rode it at the TT.

Speaking of Lowry, Big Brother is, apparently, paying close attention to the wee man...

Despite the fact Simon Andrews managed to smoke the opposition in Friday's free practice, his group of hangers-on decided it really wasn't good enough and illustrated their thoughts on his pitboard...  

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Karl Harris got himself a new pit bitch this weekend in the erm, large, shape of Michael 'Big Vern' Howarth, from Bolton. Vern, as he hates to be called, was in charge of ferrying Harris from motorhome to garage and making sure Bomber's helmet was clean and always placed in the correct receptacle.

Howarth is, for once remaining tight-lipped on whether he will make a return to motorcycle racing this season. He did make a comment about it while stealing the editor's new car in order to 'go and get something from the main gate'. Which took an hour...

Scott Smart's sister Paula held a 30th birthday party at the track on Saturday night. Those in attendance included: Leon Camier, the editor, Gary Mason and his bird Rach, Simon Andrews and friend Kate, TV 'personality' Amy 'I Love You' Ward, Maggie "I was not a bit pissed" Smart, Scott and his 'far too pretty for him' wife Heba, Michael 'I'll go to the opening of an envelope' Howarth, who was sans bird and some German autograph hunters who were convinced Howarth was Tristan Palmer. Those not in attendance included: Race Director Stuart Higgs and everyone else who couldn't be arsed to get wet walking up there.

 Quick get well soon to Smartarse's wife Heba who had a little operation before the meeting.

On one of my infrequent visits to Stalagluft 14, also known as the media centre, I caught a conversation from some the press room ladies discussing who they would like to have in a naked racer's calendar. At that point, Steve Plater was in attendance and he proceeded to tell a story about how a calendar picure of him wearing the best part of nothing is hanging in Carl Fogarty's office... Make of that what you will.

After speaking to Colin Wright for more than a hour I can exclusively reveal absolutely nothing about the Airwaves Yamaha team's plans for Donington WSB. Slippery bugger, he is.

The Snetterton paddock was awash with Texas Totty over the weekend as not only did we have the delightful Mrs Ellison on hand as always, her little sister Alex rocked up as well. After causing a minor stir in the press office, Alex was dispatched to go and ask Colin Wright what the word 'bollocks' meant.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

On Saturday, Hydrex Honda team boss Shaun Muir looked like a canine who had discovered he had more than one penis but resolutely refused to say why... Unless he had discovered a second penis and was rightly keeping quiet about it.

As part of his pre-match warm-up routine, Simon 'Random' Andrews has taken to doing lunges while wearing the remnants of someone's ballgown as a bracelet and pretending to be the former WWF wrestler Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake. Strange child.

Snetterton phrases of the weekend: assbag and windmilling

Snetterton Award For Person Most Deserved To Be Put In A Bin Twice: Nick Morgan's son Max for repeatedly using the phrase, 'That's big talk for a little girl' which he had obviously learned on Thursday afternoon and was put in a bin twice for his trouble
 

GOSSIP EXTRA: This just in from the Isle of Man. I don't have an explanation, and I don't want one. Only Tommy, Linny and Dan can tell us what this is about. And I bet they won't...